Keeping My Head On Straight

  Mom and Dad 
  Originally uploaded by tuckergurl

In the interest of clearing my mind:

Jay Z's performance of his new CD, American Gangster, on VH1's Storytellers was hypnotic.  He was in this trance.  It was incredible to watch.  Listen, his music is not as good as it was but his passion for it is something to watch.

More on the film, American Gangster, I thought it was really, really well done but I just cannot shake this feeling:  Why are we glamorizing drug dealers like this?  I know the Jay Z album is doing the same thing. Maybe I am missing the point.  Still it was a feeling I could not shake.

But I know the film was well done because I cannot stop thinking about it.  Ridley Scott’s ability to keep the camera still and show the beauty of simple objects, a spilled coffee cup for example is truly a skill.

Speaking of coffee, I have been drinking entirely too much.

I still have many steps to go in my fibroids process, so, so many follow up appointments.  Sometimes I am too much of a producer.  I want to schedule everything and just get it done but surgery does not work like that.  There are steps, many steps.

I tried to schedule my mini nervous breakdown and that did not go well.   As some of you know, the upcoming holidays are always hard for me.  Because my father passed away during the holidays, all of the hooplah around the holidays just feels like an elaborate buildup to the worst time of my life.  It is always the week or so before that I get sad (depressed honestly).  I am going away for a work thing the week before Thanksgiving and figured that would distract me.

But I feel sad and anxious and I cry some.  I am not saying this for pity.  I am just saying it.  Honestly I do not want to talk about it much.  I mean, what is there to really say?

I really need to see some more movies.  In no particular order:

No Country for Old Men
Lars and the Real Girl
Why Did I Get Married? (Yes, you read that right)
Michael Clayton
I’m Not There
Gone Baby Gone

I can’t keep up with my emails lately.

A great quote I heard the other day:
Not many people allow themselves the full extent of their complexities.

I am working on an installation.  I am excited about it.  It is my first and I will link to it soon.

TV Guide has been doing some great coverage on the Writer’s Strike.  Here is the schedule on how many episodes until our favorite shows are over. 

I am now in love with Samantha Who?  Such a cute show.

Grey’s Anatomy is strange now.  This last episode was pretty amazing but it has taken a while to get at this point.  My main problem still is that although I know Meredith has been through a lot, I just cannot relate to a person who cannot commit to Patrick Dempsey.  Sorry.

That’s all for now.  I think.  I know there have been a lot of stream of consciousness entries.  Someday soon I will have time for paragraphs.

Comments

[L. Britt]

Can we talk about it during our date tomorrow? I want to hear about it, even if there is nothing to say.

[ms world]

Dear Diva A,

Nice to hear from you! I love the photo of your parents. I was wondering how the fibroid situation was going.

I haven't seen American Gangster but my first thought was similar to yours- why are we glamourizing a drug dealer who eventually helps unleash wrath of destruction on the Black community?

Have you seen the fall issue of Bitch magazine? It has an article related to your project.

Have you seen "Why Did I get Married?" I saw it and enjoyed it for what it is- entertainment with a Christian overtones. But I do love seeing colored people on screen.

Have you seen Noah's ARC, Logo's Black gay series?

Ms World

[rebecca]

first of, that's a great picture of your mom and dad...your mom reminds me a little of lauryn hill.

and, i, too, love 'samantha who?' but i stopped watching 'grey's'...sorry, i can't take meredith any longer. but i watch 'private practice' in lieu, and i love it. if you're not watching, catch a peek.

[tuckergurl]

Ms. World,

We'll chat more about the fibroids offline. Many steps before any real procedures can actually happen.

I did see Bitch. It was a good article.

And I LOVE Noah's Arc.