tuckergurl

What I love about ...

Miranda July
Originally uploaded by planetacid.

... the internet is that I can find a picture of an event that I really wish I had a camera for.

... New York is the fact that I can go to so many cool events.

On a totally unrelated note, I did jury duty this week and just finished up a case today. All I have to say is that people will sue each other for anything. Though the change of scenery was nice, I could have done without it.

I am taking advantage of the spring and summer. More fun to come!

Oh Nicolas

Please refer to the previous entry I wrote about you. I would not write again if I were not really concerned. People are not even reviewing your movies anymore, Nic. Critics simply write long rants about why you are ruining your career. And what is up with the Botox or collagen or whatever you have done to your face. You are too young for that.

Oh, Nic. I don't know what to do with you.

A Strange Connection

Ever see something when you really needed to see it? Ever have a piece of art hit you right where you needed to be hit? I had that experience tonight at Dying City.

Sometimes you connect with someone because they are the only person left that connects you to a person that you lost. You want to maintain a relationship with that person, even if they do not want a relationship with you. You feel like it will bring you closer to the person you lost somehow. But sometimes that person does not want that relationship with you. The way they grieve is to be alone. Maybe you remind them too much of the person they lost. Maybe they just don't like you. Whatever the reason, it feels painful and hurtful.

My situation is complicated and the characters in the show are in a complicated situation in an entirely different way. Yet, it got me thinking about my life, my situation, in a different way. The character I connected with the most was easily the "worst" character in the piece. The character who messes with a grieving widow and yet I understood why he did what he did. Sometimes I envy people who do really bad things. I feel as if I do not have the courage to do those things myself. I envy really selfish people even more.

Isha, This Is For You

This is dedicated to my best friend who recently had a baby aka my Godson. Isha, since you might not "catch" this video, I am posting it here. Please call me and tell me what you think. I am a bit disappointed by this new Maroon 5 song. Is it disco? Is it not? I don't know. Anyway, since you are not a big blog commenter, call me and tell me your thoughts.

(Other folks can comment too. Don't be shy.)

Smitten

I am so smitten with this song. I am smitten with this video. A lot of other people are too.

I feel like this song would be in an episode of Dawson's Creek. And I still am smitten. Enjoy!

Random note: I did not know that the lead singer had so many tattoos. When I see people like that, I realize how hardcore my one tattoo is not! Also, the girl from The Black Donnellys is in this video and when I first saw it, I thought this video was a commercial for it. Turns out The Black Donnellys just plays Snow Patrol songs over and over. (Grey's Anatomy already did that guys. That's why your show is goin down.)

Adam Sandler's New Movie

I used to really love Adam Sandler but I got a bit burnt out on him.  There were a few medicore movies there that almost alienated me forever.  But now I'm back.  Reign on Me did not bring me back.  (That has Netflix written all over it.) It's this movie, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

When I heard the premise of this movie, I was worried that is was going to be kind of homophobic but I actually don't think it will be.  Maybe I'm being optomistic. I hope I'm not being optomistic. One stereotype I think must stop is the weird straight girl/gay man friendship. I have a lot of gay male friends. I'm not sure that I treat them like "girlfriends" pre say. I mean, we gossip more than my straight male friends for sure, but I don't let my gay male friends touch my breasts. Then again, if I had Jessica Biel's breasts, it might be a different thing. 

I Am Cheating On You

I am also writing for the MediaRights blog (aka where I work).  The first entry I wrote, I posted here on tuckergurl.  The second I did not.  Now that we are live, I will not be cross posting.  That sounds techy and weird.  Anyway, check it out.

I am really busy at work.  My head hurts.  The Virginia Tech massacre is upsetting.  Upsetting is really an understatement but I do not have any other way to put it.

That's it for now.

5 More Questions ...

These ?s are from Beebs. I knew she would challenge me and she did. These are probably my last set of questions. I have had enough soul searching for now.

Here is what she asked me:

1. What is the greatest thing about being you and what is the most annoying thing about being you- can you change or would you change either?
The greatest thing about me is ... hard one. Hmm ... I guess the greatest thing about me, or something I am proud of, is my ability to feel comfortable around different kinds of people. I am not particularly shy and I enjoy meeting new people, learning things about them. That is why I love to travel and see new places. The most annoying thing is that I hold grudges. I have a hard time letting things go. I am a lot better than I used to be. It comes with age I think but it is a process.

2. If you were not a film maker what would you be? This includes total fantasy jobs.
I would either be a civil rights lawyer or a dancer who tours with Nelly Furtado or Janet Jackson (in the old days). I've always wanted to be in a big dance number at the Grammys or the MTV Video Music Awards.

3. Do you want to make a work of fiction about the experiences that you have had with death and family in the past couple of years? Is it too difficult to do?
Well, as Beebs knows, I am working on a book of essays on my various trips to Africa. (I think that is first time I've announced that on my blog. Weird.) Those trips were all taken after various members of my family passed away. The process of writing these essays has been great and something that I have been chipping at for the past year bit by bit. It is something entirely for me and if it becomes this huge book that a bunch of people read, great. If not, that is fine too.

As for fiction or even screenwriting, that's not really in the cards right now. Everything I create is through the lens of what has happened to me. I tend to create characters who are without a parent and when I go back and look at what I have written, it is pretty clear that character is based on me. Still, it is not intentional.

4. Name one particular trait/ behavior or action that you require of a lover. Continue on if you wish and answer the same question but this time of a boyfriend.
Well I want my next boyfriend to be my lover of course! I want someone who will read aloud to me, preferably the Sunday Times. I love that.

5. If you could speak of the body of your work- how would you rate it and how would you characterize it? In otherwords critique yourself as an artist.
This is hard because I look at myself in the various roles I have played (producer, director, writer) as being at completely different stages of success. As a producer I am 150% proud of everything I have worked on (and am working on). As hard as it was to make Deadline, if I were to walk away from documentary producing tomorrow, I would be so incredibly proud that I made that happen. That film would not be that film if I had not worked on it. (Plus I can say I am an Emmy nominated Producer and that is not too shabby.)

Every other film I have produced since I have a little less of an attachment to. I describe it to people as Deadline being my child and the other films being my nieces and nephews. I love them all but they are not quite mine in the same way. I have played very discreet roles on each of those projects and they have been great films but it's different. (And that probably is not entirely a bad thing.) Only recently have I begun working on two projects that I feel more of that attachment to. I think that attachment comes from being with projects from the very, very beginning and struggling to make them happen. Coming in and helping to arrange a bunch of shoots is fine but it's not as creative for me. I am really excited now to be with a few projects from the beginning. That stage when the film is not a film yet. It is just a hodge podge of good ideas that need a shape and structure. That process is why I do what I do.

As for my directing career, I am a lot closer to where I want to be but I am not as far along as I am in my producing career. This past year I have been directing more at work on industrials and short videos and that has really helped my confidence. For film school, I made two shorts. My first, Conversations with Id was ok. I learned a lot from it, things that I apply every day to the work I do. I was so green. I made so many mistakes. Watching it is hard for me to do but I am also proud of the fact that I tried something different. I wanted to mix mediums and use effects and I did that.

My second, The Birthday Girl, is slowly travelling in festivals. I am really proud of this film. I think it looks great and there are a lot of moments that I am proud of. There are many things I would do differently but who doesn't feel that way. I had a hard time with it getting rejected from a lot (and I mean a lot) of festivals. It made me feel less proud of it. I took that to mean that maybe I was wrong and this film was actually bad and no one has the guts to tell me. But I don't feel that way anymore. (Some day I will put the film online so my blog community can see it. I just want to send it to some more festivals.)

Now I am working on a feature length documentary that I don't really want to talk about yet. It is cool that I am able to do this at work! It is harder than I thought it would be. I now really sympathize with all of the directors I have worked with. Directing feels really hard and lonely sometimes. It is all your vision and sometimes your vision can be a bit lacking. I feel up to the challenge but it ain't easy.

I would love to direct a narrative film and I feel really far from that. As you all know, I am obsessed with Miranda July. I would love to have her career, directing features, writing books, even the performance stuff. I would like my career to be a bit more quirky, if that makes sense. I want to do more experimental stuff.

Some of my classmates from Columbia are doing really well and directing all of these big fancy fiction films. One got a HUGE deal and is directing a HUGE movie. That was kind of a wake up call for the rest of us. The key for me has been to remember that I am where I am supposed to be and feel good about that. Still I have a lot of work to do!

Bonus: what ever happened to the Black Republican script?
That script, which I began in film school, is the next thing I am working on after the script I am writing now. So funny that Beebs asked about that because another friend from film school asked about it as well. I guess the universe is telling me to get back to that one.

Rainy Day Things

Reading blogs. Keri Smith says it best.

Listening to podcasts. Check out Hip Tranquil Chick for some creative inspiration.

Drinking too much coffee.

Shredding old financial papers and documents that I have needed to get rid of for a while. I actually feel like I have turned a page by doing this. There were a lot of things I just needed to get rid of.

See Killer of Sheep

Charles Burnett is a big hero of mine. To Sleep With Anger is one of my favorite films. He truly is a poetic filmmaker. His first film, Killer Of Sheep, thirty years after its debut, has been restored to a new 35mm print by UCLA’s Film & Television Archive. (Previously, it had only been seen in small screenings because of music rights issues. I am glad those issued are resolved because seeing the cutest little girl you’ve ever seen sing Earth, Wind and Fire’s Reason is a highlight of the film.)

The film is currently playing at The IFC Center here in New York. I just saw it last night and was impressed by how packed it was. How often is there a full house for a black and white film with minimal dialogue about an inner city neighborhood in LA?

Killer of Sheep is one of those incredible first films that lets you know that a new voice has arrived. I can imagine how exciting it must have been to see a film like this in the 70s when it first came out. It is also one of those films that has clearly influenced other films. I wonder if David Gordon Green saw it before he made his first film, George Washington? Did The Hughes Brothers see it before they made Menace to Society?

The film is a social commentary and I am fairly sure that is his intent. One his website, he states:

"I don't think I'm capable of answering problems that have been here for many years. But I think the best I can do is present them in a way where one wants to solve these problems." — Charles Burnett

Here is the trailer: