tuckergurl

a cool sculpture at omega

a cool sculpture
Originally uploaded by tuckergurl.

This weekend I took an amazing seminar at Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. It was a workshop called Reality Check taught by Iyanla Vanzant who is known from Oprah or from my fave show, Starting Over.

I have always wanted to go to a workshop like this but they are usually insanely expensive. Omega keeps it pretty cheap. I stayed in a dorm and ate the best vegetarian food I have ever had. (They really, really need to put out a cookbook.)

I have a hard time telling what I learned at the workshop exactly. It's not really easy to put into words. I was cynical about doing the workshop. I just tend to be cynical about most things. Lately though I do not actually think I am cynical. I think that I have just fallen into a pattern of being cynical though I no longer think I am cynical anymore. I now think I am over being cynical. I am a lot more open and hopeful.

A woman in my workshop pointed this sculpture out to me when she saw me taking some last minute photos. I did not even see it. It got us thinking about going deeper and deeper inside yourself to really get to know yourself. (If that makes any sense.)

Some people had some HUGE breakthroughs. I think I walked away with a bit of a new outlook about some things in my life. I kept to myself. It was nice to be around people that I did not know at all when you are in a situation where you are talking about really personal things. I liked that I was not bound by the way that others see me. I could be the me that I wanted to be.

I heart Corinne Bailey Rae

  Corinne Bailey Rae and guitarist 
  Originally uploaded by allaboutgeorge.

Tonight I waited a long time to hear Corinne at Webster Hall.  Poor pregnant cutie, Isha, snagged a seat on the steps as we sat through some opening acts that did not really do it for us.  The crowd was a lot of dressed up crunchy black folk.  Isha commented that a lot of people were on dates.  I noticed a lot of men alone staring at her putting their hands up like she was some sort of religious figure. 

This picture George took at SXSW and I decided to steal it to give you a sense of what seeing her is like.  She was so worth the wait.  She is so much better live mainly because the little girl thing she does with her voice sometimes does not happen when she sings live.  Her voice is strong.

I am not sure how I feel about Webster Hall as a live music venue.  I only really like to stand up that much if I am seeing a band that I can dance to.  Though people were trying to make Corinne's music into dance music, it does not quite work.  I appreciated that she dressed up.  For some reason, that means a lot to me.

The Head Thing

I just came back from an incredible week in Martha’s Vineyard (MV)!  I knew it was beautiful but it far exceeded my expectations.  I was there for a screening of a film that I did not produce but our company made.  We were there for three days on our office (staying at this incredible B&B just for artists) and then decided to spend the weekend camping (since MV is super expensive and also super booked in August).

There are many things about the trip that were great, most of which I will list at the end, but the greatest thing was that I finally rode a bike!  For those of you who have read this blog for a while (or who know me) know that I had gotten a bike a while back but got my bike stolen and that was the end of that.  My family was not a big biking family and I just never really got into it as a kid.  Now as an adult, I am feeling more like I want to ride a bike.  It is great exercise and as my friend says, movement is freedom!  Plus I live in Brooklyn and many of my friends live in different parts of Brooklyn and it would be nice to just bike over to see them rather than take a maze of busses or worse, the “G” train!

My friend suggested that MV would be a good place to have some serious biking time sans traffic.  I was pretty nervous about it.  I am not a small person and not especially coordinated.  Plus I knew I had a “head thing” about biking.

The “head thing” is different for different people.  For me, it keeps you from doing things that feel scary to you.  Things that for some reason, you have put off for a long time.  Things that you feel like you should already know how to do.  I get on a bike and immediately think I am going to fall causing me to inevitably fall. I used to have a head thing about swimming.  I swam a lot as a kid but for some reason in my 20s, I just got a head thing about it and immediately became convinced that every time I swam I was going to drown.  A few years ago I got over it.  The head thing about swimming stems partially from lack of practice.  These past few years I have swam quite a bit and now feel very comfortable doing it. I just remembered that I know how to swim and that I am going to be fine.

I went to MV with my friend & co-worker, Liz.  I told her my agenda:  to ride a bike.  She too is a native New Yorker new to biking so she immediately understood.  As the days past, we got rides everywhere and it was looking like I was going to be able to skip the biking lesson.  But once we moved to the camp grounds, we had a morning to get acclimated before Liz’s friend joined us.  This was the perfect time for us to get riding.

The camp grounds were a mile and a half from downtown Vineyard Haven so Liz figured we would bike to town and come back.  The bike paths are fairly large but I was pretty freaked.  I could not see how I was going to ride a whole mile and a half!  I think I was more freaked out about people seeing me learn than I was about riding the bike itself.  Little kids can ride bikes.  How embarrassing that I can not!

I am not going to say that the minute I rode the bike that it felt “right”.  I was pretty scared.  We started slow and I rode in front of Liz and stopped at every stop sign.  Riding in the beginning was fine but going down hill freaked me out.  I knew how to ride pretty much but I would get freaked out and just keep apologizing for messing up. 

It’s not like Liz was pressuring me.  She was a great teacher.  She was super supportive and would stay close enough behind me during the long stretches singing direction to me (“Angela is so amazing!  She is riding a bike!  She needs to keep her hands on the break when she is going downhill!  She needs to go a little slower!  She needs to move to her left”)  Eventually I was on a roll but then the path got narrow and I had to deal with cars and I freaked out again.   But I was ok and rode into Vineyard Haven unscathed.

The trip back was a bit harder because after the mile and a half trip there, I then had to ride a mile and a half back!  I was pretty tired but I had to get back, especially since Liz’s friend was expected in 30 mins.  My being tired made everything much harder and I started to get frazzled a lot easier.  So on a long downhill stretch, I had my first big fall!

It hurt.  I have an ugly scab on my knee from it and it messed with my head.  But after walking with my bike for a bit, I decided to get back on.  It was tough and I took yoga breaths the whole rest of the trip but I did it!

I still need more practice.  My friend and I are going to tackle Prospect Park next.  I am still not 100% sure about riding in the streets of New York but hopefully that too will come.

Other adventures this week:

•    Our B&B for the first three nights was gorgeous.  The inn keepers only house artists who are bringing work to MV.  Did I mention they house them for FREE!  This place is amazing and they have so much respect for artists.  (They also have great homemade granola in the morning.)  They had a brunch for us and the other filmmaker who showed his film in the festival.  It was in this beautiful garden and everyone talks about the creative process.  It was nice to be a part of that.
•    We met two married actors who were in this Irish play at The Vineyard Playhouse and they got us free tickets to opening night.  It was so exciting to see these people you’ve hung out with in a play.  They were both great.  She especially was amazing!  The play got me thinking.  I could get into it but it would take up a lot of room.
•    We went to a jam session with these Irish musicians who did the music for the show.  I am really impressed by musicians.  I can not imagine just improvising like that.
•    The film festival we were a part of has the nicest organizers ever and they took us to the beach!
•    MV has some racial issues man.  I was going to write about my theory on it but what do I know from being there six days!
•    I saw Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby.  That movie was funny!
•    I saw a/k/a Tommy Chong.  It screened after our film.  I had no idea that Tommy  Chong went to prison for 9 months for the sale of drug paraphernalia!
•    There is a Native American tribe on the island.  The Wampanoag tribe who organized a group of teenagers to come to the screening.  This festival is doing a lot of outreach to that community.  The teenagers were great.  They really got the film and had great comments.
•    Camping is not what it used to be.  We just came with tents and sleeping bags but families had grills, televisions, coffee makers!  There was wireless in front of the main office.  One family watched a football game on a PLASMA television.  A friend made a good point though:  At least they were watching TV on a camp ground and NOT at home.

Dear Nicolas Cage,

I saw a trailer for yet another movie you have coming out, The Wicker Man.  You've made four movies this year Nick and you have four more coming out in 2007 and four more in 2008.  Nick, what is going on?  Are you having some money problems?  Some personal issues at home that you're avoiding.  What's the deal?  Let us miss you Nick.  Let us wonder what you're doing.  This is getting a little insane Nick.  These lame movies must stop.

Naomie Harris

After watching Tristam Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, I am reminded of how much I love Naomie Harris.  She is one of the few actresses that I watch and think that I have to make something with her in it!!  I have not seen Miami Vice yet.  (I am not so into Colin Ferrell.) But you should try to see her in the BBC mini series of White Teeth.  She is, as the Brit's say, brilliant.

The Birth of Me

Today is my birthday.  I am 31 years old.  31 is such a blah age.  There was so much fan fare for 30 that it seems strange to turn an age only that firmly plants you into a decade.  I have some mixed feelings this year.  I am in a period of reevaluating some things in my life and it has been pretty intense.  Honestly I am not sure what will become of it.  What the carnage from it will be.  It is been tough having things that I can not talk about online because well, you just do not talk about them online.  It leads to cryptic entries which are always a bit lackluster.  I never wanted to be the blogger who only wrote entries about how "cool" their life was.  I always wanted to show all sides because I have gotten a lot of insight from the blogging community.  Today though, since it is my birthday, I am just going to write about the cool parts.  We'll see where it takes me.

My friend, Isha, and I created an LLC a few months ago.  She approached me about doing it.  I have always been the person who has a lot of stuff going on but never really likes to formalize things.  She is far more business minded in that way.  She said to me that I have an identity in TuckerGurl and that I should really make it into a company, especially since I am already making films and doing these kinds of things anyway.  Plus, she has projects that she is writing and working on and figured we could help support each other.  I have always been a bit self-conscious about it because it is called TuckerGurl.  It puts me in the spotlight in a way that made me feel strange.  She did not seem to have a problem with that.

I had a company before but we created it as a vehicle more for other people's work (with a little of our own sprinkled in).  I see now why that company did not work.  We were not being true to what we wanted to do:  create a vehicle for our own work.  I guess in the past I felt like that was selfish or vain or something.  We created all of these initiatives and things that created all kinds of opportunities for other people and after a while it just felt like a job.

So after some deliberation and a fairly arduous operating agreement, Isha and I became official!  TuckerGurl is an LLC in the state of New Jersey (Isha lives there and it is much cheaper to be an LLC there.  Look into it.) 

What kinds of things do we do?  Well, you can check out our new website (Designed by the talented Ari Moore ).  Officially, here is our mission:  TuckerGurl exists as a destination for creative expression, creative journeys, and creative connections. As a women of color owned and operated company, we hope to expand on the opportunities that exist in mainstream media by giving a voice to diverse platforms of artistic communication in an informed and positive manner.

Essentially, TuckerGurl exists as a way for us to leverage some of Isha and I's more personal projects.  I still have my same job and hope to make lots of movies there but I have other interests and other projects that may not be right for work but are more the kinds of things that I want to pursue.  Writing is a big part of that.

Today we are throwing a launch party/birthday party.  (It is from 6:30-10pm at White Rabbit if you want to come!)  I am getting excited about it mainly because I am amazed by the sheer volume of people who have RSVPed.  Even if they all do not come, the well wishes I have gotten have been incredible.  Just having this event has forced some people to take me more seriously as an artist than they had in the past. 

Isha has been pretty focused about making the event a classy affair and thank goodness because as cheap as I am, she had to pry the money out of my hands for postcards and food.  Literally pry the money out of my hands!

Just as I write this I am getting more excited.

I want to count my blessing publically.   One does that so rarely:

• I have a great job that I can be my full self at (and I get to go to Martha's Vineyard next week for)! 
• I have some great family.  This year it has been so great to get so much closer to my Uncle Charles who really gets me in a way the rest of my family does not. 
• I have some great friends who have been amazingly supportive.  I only hope that I can be as supportive to them in the future.
• I have a clean apartment!
• I am thriving creatively more than I ever have.  I am in the middle of a book and writing a script with a production company.  Developing a few other things.
• I am healthy.
• I am going to be an Auntie/God Mother soon!
• I just made an amazing series of videos for a project that does work on multiple sclerosis and transverse myelitis.  I interviewed some of the most inspiring people I have ever met.  Just being a part of this project has been a blessing and they are hiring us to do another video!

I realize now that I could go on and on which is a great thing!  So Happy Birthday to me!  I deserve it.  You should count your blessings too.  Sit down and write them (or blog them).  You will be surprised by just how many you have.

OK ...

This is funny.  Who actually believes that awards shows are not popularity contests?

Clean Your House!

Most of you probably do this on a regular basis but I do not.  Not nearly enough.  This weekend I decided I was going to get rid of all of the clutter in my house and in my mind and it really, really worked!    I forget how much I love my cute little place once I actually clean it. 

I have come to a decision which is that ... and this is hard to say ... I am getting a cleaning person to come to my house once a month.  It feels completely decadent but I just feel like I am grown up and I have to accept somethings.  I am not a neat person.  At all.  I try but it's just not in me.  It never has been.  I am a busy gal and I need some help.

I put up shelves and created a little work area for myself.  This has been long overdue.  Just having an area that I write at made me do some more writing.  Plus, I am handy if I put my mind to it!

I Ate These Tomatoes ...

  Off the Vine 
  Originally uploaded by Lady Macabea.

and they were good!  David and Adriana have such a lovely garden.  I wish I could get off my butt and get mine to be so nice.  One day ...

My Country, My Country

On Friday, I saw My Country, My Country at Cinema Village in New York.  I am writing an article about it for MediaRights  so I do not want to get too much into analyzing it.  I did want to write an entry to get folks to see it. 

The movie is about a Sunni doctor in Baghdad who decides to run for office to gain more Sunni representation at the polls.  This documentary is beautifully shot and has so many funny, memorable characters.  It does a difficult thing.  It is a really moving movie without being really depressing!  This is hard to do especially when the movie is about life in Baghdad.  Though I loved Iraq in Fragments (easily the most beautiful documentary I have ever seen), I connected with this film more.

I like the NY Times review which said:

“My Country, My Country” may appear to be strictly observational, but its images and structure inevitably question the legitimacy of democracy at gunpoint, leaving us with the feeling that this particular mission is far from accomplished.

The movie is in limited release so you should check it out on the big screen.  Plus, as a documentary filmmaker, I can say that a 25 city theatrical release for a documentary is a big deal so you should try to support it in a theater.  (But it will be on PBS next year and of course I'll just remind you to watch it then.)