tuckergurl

The Road To Nowhere

I went to The Human Rights Watch Film Festival to see The Road to Guantanamo with my friend, Maggie. Michael Winterbottom is one of my fave directors and I was excited to see this film. The Road to Guantanamo is one of those heavy films that makes you want to run out and take action. Closing Guantanamo is within our grasp. Everyone in the room felt it. It was a great screening.

Afterwards, I was waiting for my friend in the bathroom when this 50 something white woman approaches me. She is strangely jittery and looks like an old acting teacher I had in college. “Excuse me, heh, heh, heh.” She is laughing nervously and I know I am looking at her like her hair is on fire. Still she proceeds, “This is really awkward.” She is going to say something moronic. I can tell. “I’ve been coming to this festival for years now and I was just wondering why more African Americans do not come to this festival?”

I know I rolled my eyes. I know I did. I did not want to be bothered with this and more importantly, I felt annoyed by the fact that I had just seen an amazing movie and had this great experience and now I am being marginalized by this old white lady. I know what she was thinking. On a conscious (or unconscious level), because I am the only African American person there, it is my job to “diversify” this experience for her and in order for it to be really worthwhile I needed to explain this one little thing to her. Just this one little thing. I should be approachable. I mean, I was the kind of black person that would be at something like this.

I did not reply. I just said I didn’t know and walked away. I could tell she was mortified. I’m not sure what experience she thought she was going to have exactly. Sure, I could have told her that maybe if Human Rights Watch Film Festival advertised somewhere else besides The New York Times and NPR, they might have more folks of color in the audience. But I don’t even know if diversity is their mandate. It may not be. And it really should not be my job to speak for the entire black race here.

In any case, it is the experience I always have. I am often the only African American someplace and at some point, someone has to remind me that I am in the minority, whether I like it or not. Just yesterday, L Britt and I went to see The Busy World Is Hushed at Playwrights Horizons (which was not that great but that is another entry). Anyway, there was another play in that same theater complex called Single Black Female and the ushers kept trying to direct us to that theater. We would go to the bathroom and get lost and they would just assume that that was the play we were seeing. (Honestly we should’ve seen that play!) It kept happening. It's like enough already. You say you want more black folk to go to the theater and when they come, you keep shuffling them off to be with their own kind.

So many “liberal white people” say that race does not matter. That it should not matter. But then those same people are able to use race to separate you, to marginalize you. They already think they know who you are because you are Black. They know what you are going to do and even what play you are going to see. And if they don’t know, it is your job as the chip in the cookie to explain it to them. It has been present in every part of my life. I can laugh about it but sometimes it is not funny. It is tiring.

To the old lady at Human Rights Watch, here is how this conversation could have gone:

Old Lady: What an incredible movie?
Me: Yeah, it was really moving.
Old Lady: I love seeing films here. I just feel really inspired to take action and learn so much about so many different places. Do you feel the same way?
Me: Yeah, there were a lot of great films this year and the diversity of films is impressive.
Old Lady: How did you hear about the festival? Have you been coming to the festival for a while?

Yes, I would have known where she was going with this but the difference would have been that she would be trying to find out what makes me, Angela, tick. I would have engaged her in discussion because I am a pretty open person as long as I am approached as a human being and not a demographic.

(P.S. I went to see The Refugee All Stars the very next night and there were a lot of black folk there. So now you know. It has something to do with the subject matter as well. It's really not rocket science folks.)

A Doc I Worked On

If you guys are not out partying on a Wednesday night, you should check out a doc that I worked on called Beyond The Steps: The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater tonight on PBS' Great Performances. I have not mentioned it much here because you never know what you can talk about on the old blog without folks gettin sensitive. Anyway, it is about the new era of the company under the helm of Judith Jamison. The film chronicles their trip to Russia to perform their new dance, Love Stories.

I was Line Producer for the film. (For all those interested in what that means, I helped get the crew to Russia for the shoot, field produced one shoot day, helped find archival photos and footage and helped coordinate post production. Some of these job are typical line producer duties. Some are not. Now you know.) I am biased but I have to say that I think it is a beautiful portrait of some amazing artists. Let me know what you think if you get a chance to check it out.

Windfall

Windfall is a really bad show. It just had to be said.

Rescue Me is a really good show. That also needs to be said.

I Heart Sarah Silverman

"I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin." -Sarah Silverman

Yes, I am slow with this one but I finally saw Jesus Is Magic and saw Sarah Silverman do standup. I had read the great profile on her in The New Yorker and knew she was dating Jimmy Kimmel who I also heart. But now I have seen her do her thing!

The end of the film is kind of random but the film is kind of random so what are you gonna do? That chick is funny. No, she can not sing but I don't care. I hear that if you have already seen her do standup, the movie is not as funny because it's her same old thing. Maybe that's true. I wouldn't know but I heart her. Yes I do. Oh and her hair is really shiny.

I've Done A Bunch of Stuff Lately

I have a bit of a cold that I am fighting. I have a fancy wedding on Saturday and I want to be in good shape for it. It's an uphill battle.

I have done a bunch of cool stuff lately that I wanted to mention:

-Saw Iraq in Fragments at The Human Rights Watch Film Festival. I bought a bunch of tickets this year for stuff. Beautiful movie that is almost a poem. So nicely shot but has no structure whatsoever. Sometimes that is cool about the movie. Sometimes it is not. I recommend it although you will not learn a lot about what is going on in Iraq. It is more of day in the life kind of movie.

-Went to a bachelorette dinner for a friend that was a blast!

-Saw The Break Up. Eeh. It was serious and that was not what I wanted. I still love Vince though. Chicago is as cool as ever in this flick.

-Saw Red Light Winter, a play at The Barrow Street Theater. Lauren was on the ball about getting tickets. Great performances for the most part. Great play. A tad too long. The play really got me thinking about just how messed up men and women really are. How so many women liked fu**ed up men and how so many men like crazy "broken" women. I will say that I felt really good about myself at the end of the play. Though I'm messed up, I'm not that bad.

Tara, This One's For You!

Check out other hotties (including my bf Wentworth) here.

20 more ...

angelababy
Originally uploaded by tuckergurl.

51. I don't like jeans that much. I wear them because everyone else does.
52. I graduated college at 20.
53. But I don't feel that smart.
54. I love badminton and am pretty good at it.
55. I did Outward Bound for a summer in Maine.
56. I went to James Baldwin's memorial service.
57. My Mom snuck us in.
58. I did not think it was that big a deal then and just wanted to go home.
59. I hate doing dishes.
60. I have killed more plants than I care to admit.
61. I did not understand global warming until yesterday.
62. I just started liking documentaries
63. Even though I make them for a living.
64. I'd like to marry rich.
65. Though I never date rich.
66. My favorite vegetable is asparagus.
67. My first kiss was with my baby sitter's son.
68. I think Vince Vaughn is hotter than Brad Pitt.
69. I am glad I went to film school.
70. I was a vegetarian for a few years.

I Am A Sex Addict

Did you know that you can watch films that are playing at IFC Film Center on demand for $4.95? I discovered this last night when I was searching for alternatives to So You Think You Can Dance?

I had been getting emails aboutI Am A Sex Addict for a while now. I was intrigued by it not really because it was about sex. (I love sex films like the next person but watching Caveh Zahedi have sex is not arousing to me. Sorry Caveh.) Caveh is a film maker who has been around for a while making small arty films that I have never seen. I felt like tonight was my chance to check him out. I am intrigued by filmmakers who make really low budget films that are revered by the film community at large. Some (not all) of these filmmakers have such a strong vision that I honestly almost envy.

Last Night

I don't know if it's the white wine or what but I'm feeling good. Here are some other reasons why.

My tummy had been hurting for a few days. I think it had to do with dairy but who can be sure. I had a difficult conversation with a friend that I am still processing. That might be it too. This week started out with a bit of a whimper.

But last night I saw an advanced screening of a documentary that I worked on. The experience of making this, as with most films, was filled with highs and lows. I knew though that the film would be good. That the film would look beautiful and it did. I feel proud of it. It's one of those PBS art films that I used to watch as a kid. One of those films that made me want to be an artist.

Afterwards we went to one of the most beautiful bars I had ever seen. I met some new people and got a good feeling about someone I was not sure I could have a good feeling about.

I ducked out a bit early because I knew the food was going to be a small fortune! As I turned towards the escalator, I heard a voice that was familiar. I thought it was a friend of mine. I'd had three glasses of wine and two vegetable spring rolls so my judgment was challenged. I turn to see who it is and look right in the face of Terrence Howard!

I smile because I can't help it! He smiles back and we both stand there for a moment. I guess he was waiting for his friends. I overhead his ask someone if the bill was ok. I assumed it was. As I turn to get on the escalator because I was feeling like I had stood there a bit too long, he says, "We have the same glasses." And I realize we do. My ridiculously expensive Armani glasses were money well spent!

I reply, "Yeah, we do." I am about to say more but then a woman appears. I can't tell their relationship but I can read folks enough to know that the conversation was about to end there.

"Good night," I say. I get on the escalator and know that he is behind me. I smile the whole way home.

Hey

This week has been so crazy. It is 9:43pm on a Friday night and I am about to go to bed. I could not be more thrilled!!! This entry is pretty stream of consciousness. Just warning you.

This past weekend I went to my reunion. It was great! I unabashedly love my alma mater. I have met a bunch of incredible people there and this weekend I met even more. The best thing about your 10 year reunion is that you do not have to pretend you know people's names. It's like, I don't remember your name after ten years. Get over yourself.

I saw a bunch of new episodes of The Sopranos. It has been said before but that is a good show.

The Media That Matters Film Festival was this week. Check out the films online. I have my faves but I do not want to influence you. Let me know your thoughts. This festival is brought to you by the folks who pay me, Arts Engine. I was a bit more involved with the festival this year than in past years. There are a lot events. There was a lot to do. I am pretty tired.

Today is Wentworth Miller's birthday. Just thought I'd mention it. Tee-hee.

I have not written in a while and I need to get off my rump and do it.

I have not exercised in a while. I also need to get off my rump and do that.

My shrink wants me to create some goals for therapy. Where to begin ...

Everwood is over on Monday. I am blue.

I do not unabashadely love my high school. I met some people I love but the institution ... well, I should be discreet.

I do not know her but Andrea over at Superhero Designs is having a baby! I mention this because she has been trying for a long time. Her entries about trying for a baby really moved me and when I saw that it had finally happened I was teary like an old friend. Blogs are amazing things. You feel like you know people.

It seems a lot of people are having babies lately. My friends know who I'm talking about! (It ain't me! I just want to stop that rumor before it starts. That is so the last thing on my mind. Actually, going to Antartica is the last thing on my mind. That and then having a baby. Yeah, that's about right.)

That's all I got for now.