tuckergurl

Sometimes I Just Need To Shut Up!

It's not a huge deal and I can't even get too much into it but I said something that upset someone I know. Someone else we know told her something that I had said that upset her. (Is this Sweet Valley High enough? Stay with me.) The thing is, I am not even sure what I said because I was going off on one of my glib rampages. When she said that what I said had I hurt her feelings, I did not even have a clue which thing it was because I had said so many things and she would not tell me! The things were not horrible things and I had a right to say them. I do not lie so it was not the kind of situation where I was lying about my feelings about some stuff and she found out. Still, I would not have wanted her to find out some of my true feelings in the way she did. I mainly just feel stupid that I trusted that other "friend" when I probably should not have. Sometimes I just make bad choices and sort of regret it. I guess we all do.

Lately I've had a bad attitude about things and that is a big part of the reason why I am going away. Because I don't want to be that person who is negative and glib about everything. I can see the road ahead of me and am a bit worried that I am not already on it. Anyway, thanks for reading this extremely cryptic entry. You're the best! By the way, these friends do not even know I have a blog and are in no way interested in the whole blog scene so I feel I am being discreet. You never can tell though.

Walk The Line

I am really the wrong person to talk about this movie because well, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Joaquin Phoenix. (Beebs and I desperately want to run into him on the streets of New York. No luck so far.) I will just say that I am sure there were things wrong with this film but I was too blinded by him to really see them.

Seriously though, this is Reese Witherspoon's film. She is really fantastic and is pretty much a lock for the Academy Award, mainly because Hollywood loves to reward women for playing wives/girlfriends who stand by their men through thick and thin. (I won't even get into the women issues that Hollywood has. That's another entry.) June Carter was not your average woman though. She was pretty remarkable and more than his equal.

Now, I am going to go through that cliche phase where I become obsessed with learning as much as I can about Johnny Cash. (I was not exposed to Johnny Cash as a kid. It just was not my parent's thing. Mine was a jazz and Motown household.) I have already bought a CD and listened to some NPR interviews and really realize that he was far more incredible than I ever knew. So, if you do go see the movie, please, please, please don't buy the soundtrack and listen to Joaquin Phoenix sing Johnny Cash's music (which I can say he only does an OK job at). Just go out and buy a Johnny Cash CD.

If you are looking for some real analysis on this film, check out this review which I 100% agree with, especially the religion point, though I do think Joaquin's performance is stronger than the review reflects. But again, I am biased.

Naked Trees: A Life Update

Naked Trees
Originally uploaded by tuckergurl.

I decided to leave town and hang out with Isha’s family in Florida. They’re like my family and being in 80 degree weather with cute kids is never bad.

The trees here are naked as Isha’s nephew says. It’s wild to see what the Hurricane did. Wild! I am glad I left town. This time of year can be tough for me and so it is important that I make sure I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.

I finally can talk about something that I have wanted to talk about for months! I have told everyone that I need to tell and I can put it all out there. Starting in January, I am taking a three-month sabbatical from my job.

What am I going to do? Well, I am going to travel, wherever I can get to cheaply, mainly in Africa. I am definitely going to Nigeria and South Africa. Everything else is still up in the air. (Ms. World inspired me with her travels, I have to say.) I am just going to wing it. It is not 100% planned. I just want to travel and take a break. I feel fried. I feel a bit stuck. I feel like I need to process the past few years. I know this feeling and I know that when it comes, I have to take some steps and rethink some things. I am lucky enough to have a job that allows me to do this because I am not sure I would have if I did not have something to come back to.

Plus, I want to write. I am not fully sure what I want to write exactly but there are some things kicking around my brain. I just have not taken the time I have wanted to take to just be an artist.

Just the idea of having time in a month to just write and chill and be me and travel. It is truly a gift. I have some insurance money and just decided to invest in myself. My brother and I loved to travel and always said we would together. I feel like we kind of are. I did the same thing when my Mom passed away. We had this pact that we would go to Africa together after I graduated from college. After she passed away, I spent a semester in Ghana. It was hard and really, really amazing. One of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

So, that’s a major update. More to come …

Things I Am Loving

Just to keep you in the loop:

-Isha’s nieces and nephew – They are too cute!!!!! I should’ve taken pictures on Thanksgiving.

-Kanye West’s new video for I Heard Em Say – This has a lot to do with my crush on Adam Levine. A lot to do with that.

-The Boondocks – It makes me really uncomfortable sometimes but that’s the point. It’s hysterical and really shows what a lot of black folks are thinking. (Though, Aaron McGruber takes himself a little too seriously.)

-Grey’s Anatomy– But I think you guys know that.

-Oprah – The older I get, the more intense my love for her gets. I really think that every black woman is taught to love her at birth and has no idea it is happening. I just can not turn her off.

-Plaintains– I used to make them all the time but I rediscovered them lately. (Thanks Ayoola!!) They are yummy and fast to make and filled with iron, something I can not get enough of.

-Warm Weather - I only experienced it for a few days in Florida but it was nice, nice, nice.

-Prison Break – I have no idea what is going on but who cares. (I think our love for Wentworth Miller has brought us closer Tara.)

Just a little note: More people have checked out my blog in the past few days than ever. Want to know why? Because they are doing searches on Wentworth Miller!!! Boy the secret is out on that guy. Well, for all of you looking for more info on him, all I know is that he is 33, went to Princeton, is half black, supposedly single and straight. That's all I got folks. Good luck with the rest of your search! I understand and support your efforts. I want to know more as well.

-Everwood - It is not like 7th Heaven. I promise!!!! It is so so good.

-My iBook G4 – The screen is a good size and it does everything I need. Plus it is mine and it is paid for!

-My Amos Lee CD – His voice in incredible.

Or So We Say

Or So We Say
Originally uploaded by tuckergurl.

I learned a lesson this weekend. My friend tough loved me and I gotta thank her. Sometimes you gotta have people in your life tell you things you do not want to hear. It kicks you in the a**.

The phrase "I'm OK, You're OK" is one of four life positions that each of us may take. I saw this book at Borders and was fascinated by the self help books of the late 60s and early 70s. The four positions are:

I'm Not OK, You're OK
I'm Not OK, You're Not OK
I'm OK, You're Not OK
I'm OK, You're OK

It's so simple and retro that it made me laugh and of course I had to share. I know it all has a larger meaning having to do with transactional analysis and the Super Ego but who cares about all that.

See It!

The more I think about this movie, the more I love it. It just gave me a nice feeling and Cillian Murphy is F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. I know I have posted about this before but for some reason I felt the need to post again.

The End of Arrested Development

Yeah, they are cancelling it. Normally, I would make an empassioned plea to watch it in December when it's final episodes will air or ask you to sign some petition. But you know what, I'm just part of the problem. I'll admit it.

My sound mixer, Joanna, and I were talking about how incredible the show is and how much we loved it. Then, we realized we had no idea when it was on. And then we also realized that we never watched it when it was on TV, only on DVD. And then we realized that it was on that night, right at that moment. And then we just went about our business.

Sadly, this happens to me every Monday night. And I have a sneaky suspicion that this happens to a lot of other people on Monday night as well.

I Am Crushing On

... Peter Sarsgaard. Hopefully this great New York Times Magazine article will make him famous as he should be. Sigh! I love him.

Your Resident Library Expert

For the past few weeks, I have been a regular at the library. I already embraced the central branch of The Brooklyn Public Library but now for this documentary that I am producing, I have now become the expert of The Performing Arts Library.

This may not seem like a feat to most but believe me when I say, it is. This library is hysterical, filled with dancers, musicians and actors who get really, really frustrated by most unwieldy equipment like computers and microfiilm. Never have I been to a more bureacratic place in my life, not even dare I say, the DMV.

When you come in, they make you check your bag, whether you like it or not. You can only carry in items in your hands. This thoroughly confused me the first time so I asked the Elizabeth Pena looking security guard, "What about laptops and wallets and notebooks? You need all of them to go to the library." She replied, "You gotta carry them in your hands. You look like a strong girl honey. You can handle it. And don't forget your power cord!"

Whenever you want to look at something in the non-circulating section, you need a piece of paper to look at a piece of paper and then a piece of paper in order to photocopy a piece of paper and then a "How Are We Doing?" survey at the end. All pieces of paper have your name and address and phone number. One manuscript even required a reference in case you ran off with it. (Don't worry Isha. I returned it. You should not be getting any phone calls.) It's not that I don't think dance is important but it's not like I'm reading the hidden Kennedy Files here.

Now, I have grown fond of this crazy library's ways. The security guard today smiled and said, "Honey, you're back. I thought we scared you off." So, if ever you want some tips on how to navigate the Performing Arts Library, let me know!

Bloomberg Is Mayor Again

And is anyone really surprised. For the first time, I wished I lived in New Jersey. That Governor's race seemed good and nasty!!!

I admit it. I voted for Bloomberg mainly because Ferrar just did not do it for me. A frend was shocked that I could even vote for a Republican, especially now a days. It was a tough decision. I could have easily voted for Ferrar out of soldarity or to make some kind of point. (We all knew Bloomberg was going to win so any vote for Ferrar would be to make a statement. Not to be glib, but it's true.) However, I am a believer in voting for the candidate that you want to win even if it beyond party lines. I have problems with Bloomberg and I think he is out for his own interests but what politician is not these days. He does get things done.

For all you New Yorkers, listen to Brian Lehrer to get some more election coverage.

(This picture is taken from Brian's blog. I thought it was funny. This is what the voting machines look like. They are really old! By next year's primaries, we are suppoed to get new voting machines and we better!! These machines have been around since I was a kid and that was a long, long time ago.)