The VMAs: The Blow By Blow

This is just my take on things as they happenend. It’s not always 100% clear but really, it’s just entertainment in the end.

Let’s begin by asking, why would you have an award show in Miami during hurricane season?

Favorite Female and Male Video: Kanye West (Jesus Walks) and Kelly Clarkson (Since You’ve Been Gone)
Kanye West is just annoying. His ego is RIDICULOUS! Gwen looked pissed not to win for Best Female Video (and why is it called “Female” video? How strange). Apparently she was really mad because she was not asked to perform. I love Gwen like the next person but I’ve had enough of her. Kelly was nice and humble, though yellow isn’t her color.

The Ludacris performance was boring. I switched to The Village, which I keep catching in bits and pieces. One day I have got to sit down and watch that thing.

Diddy is not a host. Oh, so painful.

What is this new way they are shooting the awards? It looks really ugly. Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom look strange. Their lighting is funny.

Favorite Rock Video: Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
No big shocker there. They’ve had a good year. It’s a good song. I thought The Killers might take it since that song is on all the time. I’m not into My Chemical Romance at all. So not my bag.

At this point I downloaded “Wake Me Up When September Ends”, the new Green Day song, during the commercial break. It’s a good one.

Diddy can give out as many gifts as he wants but he’s just not funny. When Diddy “spontaneously” started to dance with random dancers in jean shorts, I loved the shot of Kelly Rowland (whose weave looks FANTASTIC) asking, “What is he doing?”

And suddenly Hammer performs? Um … OK. Sure whatever.

And why is Jamie Foxx drinking in the audience? Honey, that’s not a good look.

Favorite R&B Video: Karma, Alicia Keys
The Simpson girls, Jessica and Ashlee, saying they’re from the “dirty South is so sad. Oh so sad. Karma wins and oh, God I am so sick that song. Enough. Enough. And is it me or is this stadium huge? Alicia Keys couldn’t find the damn stage.

Shakira performs in front of huge projections of fire behind her. Um .. OK. Shakira is ridiculous! How can she walk the streets? She is so hot. What does she do to have that body? I must know. I have to say that I am little over her gyrations … You know what. No I’m not. I like Alejandro Sanz with darker hair. What is up with the blonde hair? He and Brad Pitt. Is that a new fad because it’s got to go?

Usher’s suit is satin and I’m not sure what I think about that. The Krunk performance was cool but it could’ve been longer (which I never though I’d say).

Best Dance Video: Missy Elliot f/Ciara: Lose Control
That was a no brainer. That video is so hot. I like Missy’s Earth Mama outfit. She’s gotten so thin.

Eric Roberts is kind of skanky but I guess that’s why they keep casting him in videos and probably why they had him introduce R Kelly. How awkward when he was plugging his son’s CD. Eeek!

I turned the channel when R. Kelly’s video/performance was shown. I don’t know what happened and I don’t care. Why don’t we boycott him? Why? I know he’s talented but there are a lot of talented people out there. We all know he’s sketchy. OK, I’m off my soap box.

I am a bit torn about this new GAP ad campaign with people talking about their favorite songs. Alanis Morrisette describing her favorite song, Seal's Crazy, as a warm blanket or a hug or whatever she said is a bit too cheesy for me.

Diddy’s explanation of his name change. Oh, yawn.

Calling Joel Madden and Hillary Duff the Jay Z and Beyonce of rock is upsetting and wrong. I miss Lizzie McGuire.

I love The Killers. The lead singer wears a lot of eye makeup but I dig em. Seeing them perform by the pool is cool I guess. I appreciate MTV trying to change things up but what’s wrong with people just singing on stage? Just a thought.

Best Rap Video: Ludacris: Number One SpotJeremy Piven and Lil Kim together handing out an award. I had to turn. It was too awkward. He did look good though. I wasn’t so into any of the songs in that category so I didn’t really care who won. Ludacris seems as good as anyone.

The orchestral versions of Biggie’s songs with Snoop Dogg was cool. As much as Diddy get on my nerves, I’ve always been moved by his devotion to Biggie. You can tell he misses him so much and it makes him a lot more human.

Best Video MTV2: Fall Out Boy, Sugar We’re Going Down
I have no idea who these people are. I turned to IFC and they were showing Girl 6. Don’t get me started on that movie. I didn’t know Peter Berg was in it. I’ve always had a crush on him. What is this shot on? It looks fantastic.

I just saw Fat Joe in the street on Friday. He’s a busy man. The Reggaeton medley was cool. Girls were CRYING over Daddy Yankee. Gasolina is a hot song. What did Fat Joe say that was beeped? That’s what you get for watching the rebroadcast after the live version.

Best Hip-Hop Video: Missy Elliot f/Ciara: Lose Control
I’ve said it already. That song is hot.

Why does Jay Z look so serious? What’s wrong?

Pharrell. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Coldplay performs and I turn the channel. When did they become a U2 knockoff? Speed Of Sound is such a U2 song. I used to like them a lot.

Did you know that Morgan Freeman was in Bonfire of the Vanities? I didn't.

At this point I’m just waiting for Kanye West and Jamie Foxx to perform.

Best Pop Video: Kelly Clarkson (Since You’ve Been Gone)
Some of these songs feel like they’ve been out forever. Rumors by Lindsey Lohan? Piece Of Me by Ashlee Simpson? Hasn’t that been over a year! Kelly Clarkson won again. Since You’ve Been Gone is popular. I think it’s just OK but what do I know.

FINALLY Kanye and Jamie Foxx. It was a nice simple performance. The song sounds the way it sounds on the CD. Jamie Foxx unbuttoned his shirt. Women were in the background. It was all to be expected.

Gwen Stefani and Snopp Dogg won for best clothes. They will each get $100,000 to give to the charity of their choice. Gwen Stefani said she was going to give it to The Orange County Children's Hospital. Snoop Dogg was giving it to his some football team for kids. I'm not one to criticize but there are a LOT of charities out there.

There is still another hour or so but I’m going to bed. I’ll catch the rest the six thousand times that it will be rebroadcast.

Wait, I gotta hear Mariah and see if she can pull it off. Lately her live performances have been scary. Whoa, her dress is low cut. I love Shake You Off but this version is not doing it for me. Now I'm REALLY going to bed.