tuckergurl

The Shiira Project

The Shiira Project is this cool new web browser that my friend, Shira (not the creator of this browser, or so she says) showed me. I am in love with it.

Safari sucks by the way. I'll tell anyone who will listen.

The Film Festival Shuffle

One night a week, I try to undergo the demoralizing endeavor of sending my short film to festivals. Tonight, Friday no less, is the night. And I couldn't be more excited. (That was sarcasm by the way. Or irony depending on who you ask.)

You know how it goes. (Or maybe you don't and you should just consider yourself lucky.) You mail a DVD (or a VHS when the festival matters less) to a festival and pay them some silly amount of money ($10-$60) and wait. And wait. And wait.

Sometimes you win but more often you lose. That's just the way it goes.

There are festivals that you think you are a shoo-in for. Small festivals that should be happy to show your film, right? And then the rejection letter comes in. Those are a bit less shocking. They are more like, "Huh?" letters. I equate this to your safety college rejecting you but your longshot college taking you.

Then there are festivals you desperately want to get into! Desperately! And then you don't but your film school classmates do and you are really, really supportive because that makes you a big person. The biggest person. This is much like my wanting to go to Brown and not getting in. That still stings and it was 10 years ago!

Then you randomly get into a festival and it's nice. And for your screening you feel like a superstar. This was like getting into and going to Wesleyan. I feel like a rock star for going to such a great school!

Sure I've been to a lot of festivals but with films that I did not direct. And it's just different. It's an honor to be a part of those films but in the end I need some more validation for me, Angela, the director.

As a black filmmaker, I am always unsure what box to put my films in. Is it a "black" film that performs well in "black" settings? This would mean that I submit it to as many black festivals as I can. Recently, I did not get into two prominent black film festivals and I was kind of surprised and honestly, hurt. Time and time again I have been told (not directly of course) that my work isn't "black" enough. When I ask my friends what that means exactly, one says, "Well, you're work is about black people in a particular situation and not specifically about their "blackness" per say." I am not sure what to make of that. Not sure where my work fits in. (Remember I'm not a millionaire so I can't apply to every festival there is. Plus, I do not have a personal assistant to mail my stuff out for me. Boy, what I would do with a personal assistant?!)

Or is your film more "mainstream" (aka a film that is palatable to white audiences)? Which isn't a specific niche because that basically is almost every other film festival in the country.

The arbitrariness of all of this leaves you not even sure how good your film is or is not? Not that it matters necessarily ... You know what, it matters. It does. We can all pretend we don't need some kind of validation but we do. That is how you get jobs. That is how your work gets seen. That is how you can turn around and try to do it all again for thousands of dollars that you have to lapdance to earn. (OK, maybe I didn't lapdance but I would've.)

I don't have a coherent conclusion to this rant. Maybe because I'm at the beginning.

Opine

This is my new favorite word. This word is big on NPR, for obvious reasons. Dictionary.com's definition of it is:

v 1: speak one's opinion without fear or hesitation; "John spoke up at the meeting" [syn: speak up, animadvert, sound off] 2: expect, believe, or suppose; "I imagine she earned a lot of money with her new novel"; "I thought to find her in a bad state"; "he didn't think to find her in the kitchen"; "I guess she is angry at me for standing her up" [syn: think, suppose, imagine, reckon, guess]

I am trying to use it over and over mainly because when I tried to memorize this quote that Thurgood Marshall says about the death penalty, the word opine was the one I always forgot. It wouldn't stick.

Lexicon was the last word I was big on. It really spices up a sentance and folks think you're really smart!

Baltimore

I haven't posted in a while because I have been out of town and working of a shoot.  A more substantial post is to follow. 

I did want to mention that I was at the "corner" featured prominently in the book and the HBO mini-series.  My brother and sister in law were very entertained by the fact that the only sight I was interested in was the corner.  It looks like any other corner in the hood but since there was so much history, I had to experience it. 

We also went to the harbor to check out the spots featured in The Wire. My sister in law used to be one of the cops like the ones on The Wire so she has no interest in the television show.  She thinks it is cheesy. What a child of popular culture I am!!!

Trapeze School and Me

This was me yesterday.

OK, not quite but I did do trapeze yesterday and I did fly through the air. I was initially really freaked out about jumping off the ledge even though I had seen my friends do it. I got better each time but I was a bit humbled by my lack of ability and well, grace. Things like this show you how in shape you're not. Of course I am proud of myself for getting over the fear of doing it but you always want to be a little better than you are at these types of things.

It felt a bit like Outward Bound in high school where everyone was really great and flexible and agile and I was struggling to keep up. That is the hard thing about doing things like this with friends. I was saying to a friend of mine that I need more friends who are out of shape. That way I don't have to feel like such a slacker.

If You Loved MAYAEWK ...

If you loved Me and You and Everyone We Know, listen to this conversation between Miranda July and cutie pie, Brandon Ratcliff, who plays the youngest son.

If you didn't love it, just ignore this post altogether. It never happened. It was all in your mind.

The new Mariah Carey CD ...

is really good. God I hate admitting that!

The Goonies Today!!!

My friend, Beebs, sent me this photo and it made me so happy. I loved The Goonies and am in shock that it came out TWENTY YEARS AGO. I repeat. TWENTY YEARS AGO. How horrifying!!

I can still hear Cyndi Lauper's Good Enough playing over the ending credits. I remember wishing that Josh Brolin would be my boyfriend and that I would find a big stash of diamonds right when I needed them. Enjoy!

The Fabulous Life Of ...

In my new cable addiction, I watched The Fabulous Life Of ... well, celebrities in general on VH1.  It turns out that celebrities can not be bothered with the "minutia" (as one celebrity expert put it) of packing their suitcases for trips so they have a service mail their clothes (or replicas of their clothes provided by big designers) to whatever location they are going to.  Hmm ... the minutia ... fascinating.  Does this include undies? 

A Computer Update

I feel silly giving updates as if the state of my laptop is so important but honestly I wanted to thank all of you for your advice not to give up about getting all of my stuff back.  I got my computer back from Tek Serve, ran a program and spent an entire day trying to save stuff.  I saved a good portion of it which is nice.

I still need to get my own laptop.  Using my work one all the time was part of what I think killed it.

I also learned the importance of backing up.  See my story as a cautionary tale.