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Media That Matters Film Festival Manana!!!

I have seen the films in this festival and they are really, really good!!! MediaRights is a project of Arts Engine, the company that I work at. The premiere of the festival is tomorrow and the information is below. You should check it out. I'll be there!

There are some great young filmmakers who are definately going to be stars. I was so blown away by the quality of work by them. And if you can't come to the screening, the films are streaming online. My fave is Battleground Minnesota. Shakademic should be on MTV. He is hysterical and doing some great work. You have to check it out for yourself!

MediaRights announces the launch of the
FIFTH ANNUAL MEDIA THAT MATTERS FILM FESTIVAL
Presented by Loreto Bay Company

Ready to be inspired? In MediaRights' fifth annual Media That Matters Film Festival hip-hop activists, dancing peanuts and claymation teenagers tackle today's most pressing social issues. Launching June 1, 2005, Media That Matters brings innovative shorts and take action tools to audiences around the country, all year long. The 16 jury-selected films by independent and youth producers stream online, tour the country through community screenings, are broadcast on TV and are distributed as a jam-packed DVD to teachers and activists.

World Premiere at BAMcinematek: June 1st, 2005 at 7pm
Watch the films on the big screen, meet the filmmakers and MediaRights staff at the Take Action Table.
Brooklyn Academy of Music
30 Lafayette Avenue (between Ashland Place and St. Felix Street)
Brooklyn, NY 11217
Tickets are $10: http://bam.org/Film/MediaThatMatters.aspx
Encore screening at 9:30pm

Please forward widely and don't forget to check out the festival website.

True Confessions

I got this postcard from PostSecret. The New York Times wrote about them on Sunday in their Arts Section:

"At PostSecret, found at postsecret.blogspot.com, the confessions are consistently engaging, original and well told. How come? The Web site gives people simple instructions. Mail your secret anonymously on one side of a 4-by-6-inch postcard that you make yourself. That one constraint is a great sieve. It strains out lazy, impulsive confessors."

So many of the secrets are things I think about all the time. Many are ways people want to escape from their lives but for one reason or another can not.

My one secret that I'll share is that I have terrible bouts of jealousy. I get pissed when mean people get great things, especially mean and selfish people I know personally. And I get jealous when my classmates are really successful. It's not that I don't want them to be but I usually want what they have for myself.

(There are some better ones but that's as good as you get!)

Star Wars III: Return of The Sith

I saw it and liked it. This surprised me. I am so not into Star Wars. I liked the old ones but didn't even see any of the new ones. So, I was shocked when I actually dug the new one.

I have nothing intellectual to say about it.

I have no desire to deconstruct it.

I liked it fine.

And I want a Yoda doll!

The Strange Thing About Money

When both my parents died, they did not have insurance policies. My father had a small pension that covered his funeral which was helpful. My mother died fairly young and kept saying she was going to get an insurance polciy but never did. So we were all really dependent on my aunts and uncles to help pay for my mother's funeral. It was all really awkward.

I was young enough to be I was kept away from a lot of the money drama but my brother, who was eleven years older than I was, unfortunately was not. I remember when we were at my aunt's house in my Mom's hometown, Johnstown, Pennsylvania, my brother said to me, he actually promised me, that things would not be like this when he died. He promised me that he would always take care of me. I never really thought about it at the time. I never really thought about it at all. Now, here I am eleven years later thinking about it, dealing with it.

Why I bring this up is this strange feeling I've been having. My brother left me some insurance money, in fact, he left all of the insurance money to me to distribute to his wife, daughter, god daughter and to keep a portion for myself. I don't really know how much he wanted folks to get. He did not leave a will. The only specific thing he did was leave it all to me to work out. My sister-in-law said that my brother always said that I would make the best decision about these things. I am happy that he was so confident in me. It makes me feel really good that he trusted me and loved me like he did. (Also, his wife is not a citizen so she couldn't be left large sums of money.) But it is strange to be a keeper of this much money, more than I have ever had, and sorhing through everyone's feelings of entitlement towards it. (My cellphone rings off the hook, in fact.)

The money portion of this is new to me and a bit strange. Really strange.

The other strange thing is when individuals give me money. I know that is what people do and I appreciate it but then I feel guilty spending it. I gave a good portion of it to my brother's wife for her kids. It made me feel weird to be buying frappacinos with it.

But yesterday I went to Ikea and bought a bed which I haven't had in years. And then I woke up this morning feeling like I should've have spent that money on myself, like I did something wrong. I know it's crazy but I guess for a while I'll be like this, kind of crazy.

There I was amongst all of my furniture (that I need to put together since it is Ikea) feeling overwhelmed and a bit sad and strange. I have always been totally broke, always. I guess I never wanted money this way. I know I didn't want money this way.

I felt sad as I tried to put it all together. I suck at putting furniture together. That's always the kind of thing of brother would do for me. My friend is coming over tonight to help me but still ...

So here I am at Half, my favorite hangout spot in Prospect Heights, having a cup of coffee, listening to Brand Nubian. Feeling a little better. I intellectually know that there is nothing wrong with having a few things for myself, especially a bed and a dining room table, but emotionally it just all gets foggy.

Texas Court Rules That Half of the Defense Team Can Be Asleep

This story posted on the Death Penalty Information Center website is an example of what is wrong with the criminal justice system! Oh dear:

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals has ruled that a man whose attorney slept through portions of his 1992 death penalty trial should not get a new trial because he had another less experienced attorney who remained awake. In its ruling, the Court denied George McFarland's (pictured) claim of ineffectiveness of counsel and upheld his death sentence. "We conclude that, although one of his attorneys slept through portions of his trial, applicant was not deprived of the assistance of counsel under the Sixth Amendment because his second attorney was present and an active advocate at all times," wrote Judge Cathy Cochran.

Cross Posted on The Deadline Blog.

He's Even Scarier Than Before

I didn't watch Oprah but my friend Lauren gave me a great recap. Now after reading this article, he is even crazer than before. I guess Tom Cruise is the expert on everything!

Run Katie Run!!!!!

Last Night's TV

I don't have to do a big recap of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy since everyone alive has. All I will say is this:

*I totally predicted that Derek Shephard (aka Mr. Hottie, Patrick Dempsey) was married. And there is no excuse for his keeping it a secret. He's kind of a jerk ... And yet I love him!
*Rex's dying on DH was so sad. It actually was heartbreaking, kind of the way it really happens, complete with the Doctor's call and everything. I loved that character. I may have been alone but now I'm sad.
*So whose going to do the voiceover on DH now? Still Mary Alice.
*Alfre Woodard's son on DH is so hot. He's is gettin with someone on that show and I can't wait.
*They are really bad doctors on Grey's Anatomy. I think this was the worse week yet.
*I hope Cristina (Saundra Oh) has the baby because damn what a hot child that would be! Sandra Oh and Isiah Washington. DAMN! That is what multicultural is all about my friend!

I think I'm done now. I can continue with my day.

Dave Chappelle In My Dreams

I, like all of America, was obsessed with the whereabouts of Dave, so much so that I had this strange dream:

Dave was the best friend of a male friend of mine I barely see.  I was so excited to see my friend but then he introduced me to his friend, Dave Chappelle, and I couldn't contain myself.  I grabbed him and told him how worried I was about him.  He was really thin and I'm not so I was worried I was going to break him when I hugged him.  He kind of shrugged his shoulders and didn't want any attention.  He said he just wanted to lay low.  I said ok, that's fine.  I just wanted to let him know that I was concerned and that I see a therapist and it's really good for me.  He looked at me like I was kind of crazy and I knew I was being crazy but I couldn't help myself.  We stood in silence for a while and then I left him alone and spoke to my friend.

Suddenly, my friend, Ericka appeared.  I was so excited to see her too.  She had Dave's same reaction.  Dave suddenly lit up when he met her (since she's hot) and started to hit on her.  I knew then that he would be fine.

It’s Been A Long Time ... I Shouldn’t Have Left You

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted. In some ways, a month doesn’t seem long enough. This past month has felt like years. And yet a month has really flown by. I’ll explain.

About three weeks ago, my brother passed away. He was 40 years old. I could get into all of the details of how but honestly, that part is still too hard to talk about. I’ve been just trying to deal with things. Day by day.

My parents are both gone and though I have another brother, I didn’t grow up with him so our relationship is different than it was with my brother, Greg. I have amazing friends and people in my life who care about me. I have some blessings and I try to focus on that but again. It’s hard. I feel like I’ve seen so much tragedy in my family and I try to find meaning in it all but honestly, this one kind of escapes me.

For a while I’ve meant to write but all of the things I normally write about seem so empty.

Still, pop culture and silliness are what have made this whole thing bearable. I’ll never forget my friend calling me on my cell phone the day I had to pick out Greg’s tombstone to break some big news, “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are dating!” It made me laugh and was so bizarre. (And is SUCH publicity thing by the way! It’s not real. I repeat, It’s not real!) I couldn’t stop laughing about it.

As I stayed in my friend’s house in the village watching her lovely digital cable, many similar thoughts came to my mind. Some include:
* As much as I love Howie Day's song, Collide, what the hell does it mean? The video has not helped me out AT ALL.
* I kind of want Joss Stone to go away. I just woke up one morning and was totally over her. Not sure when or how that happened.
* Angelina (call me Angie) Jolie is just more interesting than Jennifer Aniston. If she and Brad are together, I’m all for it. I’d pay good money to watch them do anything. Make coffee in the morning. Mow the lawn. (I guess I will when Mr. and Mrs. Smith comes out.)
* Isn’t Hollywood putting out horrible movies these days? I mean horrible. Sahara, Amityville Horror, The Ring II, need I go on!!!!!

Initially I felt bad about my pop culture silliness but then I cut myself some slack. As I waded through funeral arrangements, multiple relatives in town in shock and upset, insurance paperwork, health problems, I found solice in the familiarity of cable television and celebrity drama.

Funerals are hard for me. I can’t grieve on display. And the strange thing about when an adult sibling dies is that people for some reason don’t acknowledge your grief in the same way they do a husband or a parent. My brother was married for four years. He had two stepkids. They will miss him and are in a lot of pain. Still, it was hard for me too, especially since he really was the only immediate family member I had left. The priest didn’t even acknowledge me at the services which I know wasn’t intentional but again, hard. (I’ve been reading this great book about this called Surviving the Death of a Sibling . It really has helped me. And they have a fantastic companion website.)

So now I return to my old life, trying to make sense of everything. You can only take so much time off and eventually you have to go back to your life. So here I am, back on the blog. I’ve been wanting to write about a bunch of things (Dave Chappell for one but that’s another entry) and miss the outlet that writing provides. Plus, I missed the community. So I’m back. More to come ...