tuckergurl

The VMAs or How Angela Learned She's Getting Old

There are moments when it is clear to me that I am just a teenager trapped in a 29 year old body. And then there are nights like last night. Here's some of my rants about The MTV Video Music Awards, strangely airing the same time as the Olympics. They just didn't think that through.

-P. Diddy coming out of his yacht with Bruce Willis, Mase and Naomi Campbell was just over the top. Bruce Willis didn't even look like he knew what he was doing there and we really don't need to celebrate Mase being back when he made one cd.

-I think that because the show was in Miami, no one knew how to dress. Casual, tropical, dressy. It was a mess. Guys had it the worst. They either looked like they were going to the prom or to the local Williamsburg bar.

-Jay-Z, for most who don't know, is one of my favorite people. I was very pleased that he won four awards. 99 Problems is a hot song and the video is hotter. I don't buy his whole retirement bit for a second though. Not one.

-Wasn't Hey Ya! last year? How can OutKast still be winning things?

-A lot of these new bands, Hoobastank, for one, just can not sing live.

-Ashlee Simpson, really can not sing. At all. I will cherish my Pieces of Me single and move on with my life. And, why did she have New Found Glory sing one song after her just for kicks? Usually special guests sing with you not instead of you.

-I turned the channel for a half hour, made some phone calls for auditions for my film, and who do I miss but Alicia Keys, Lenny Kravits and Stevie Wonder performing together. I mean, I know it's going to be on 100 more times but I was not happy.

-Why couldn't people figure out that Chaka Khan was Kanye West's special guest? I mean, he remade her song and what else does she have to do?

-There is an award for best soundtrack for a video game. What?!

-Usher really, really likes himself. It's just gotten out of control. What the hell was he doing in the rain?! I am happy he uses his gym membership but ...

I'm Just A Negro

In the Sunday New York Times, there is an article to add to the debate: to be African-American or not to be. Alan Keyes had this to say about my favorite person, Barack Obama as to whether or not he's African-American:

"Barack Obama claims an African-American heritage," Mr. Keyes said on the ABC program "This Week" with George Stephanopoulos. "Barack Obama and I have the same race - that is, physical characteristics. We are not from the same heritage."

"My ancestors toiled in slavery in this country," Mr. Keyes said. "My consciousness, who I am as a person, has been shaped by my struggle, deeply emotional and deeply painful, with the reality of that heritage."

Mr. Keyes's comments reflect the views of a number of black Americans... Many argued that the term African-American should refer to the descendents of slaves brought to the United States centuries ago, not to newcomers who have not inherited the legacy of bondage, segregation and legal discrimination.

Do we really need to have these kinds of conversations anymore? Are we still going to have a back and forth as to who can really claim the term African-American, especially in such a public forum as a national television show. I guess Keyes is trying to divide the African Americans who are planning to vote for Obama. I don't know how many of them watch "This Week". Nice try.

Aarguments like these are just created to divide the black community. It aids in keeping us down and it bothers me when it is being used for political gain, especially by an African American man. There is a larger class discussion to had here as well but I just don't think I'm in the frame of mind to have it,

Festivals and Cider

Today, at the ungodly hour of 12pm on a Saturday morning when I went out until 3am the night before, I went to see my short film, Conversations with Id, at The Imagenation Film Festival in Harlem. Id was a short film that I made as my non-thesis film for a penny and a quarter. (OK, not that little but it felt like it.) The film is surrounded with drama for many reasons that I am too discreet to mention but I always had mixed feelings about it. I guess, rather I know, it didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to. It hasn't had too much of a festival life but that is partially due to the fact that I haven't submitted it to that many festivals, only the huge ones that no one gets into.

I did submit to this one because I was excited to be in a festival that was based in Harlem and the programmers was so into it after they saw it The Women of Color Film Festival. I went by myself mainly because I just felt like it. It was cool to be in my old neighborhood. I ate at Manna, a kick ass buffet spot that costs next to nothing, and walked around The Schomberg while on my cell with my friend, Sharon, in LA who I have not spoken to for the longest. She like many of my other friends wanted to know who was the guy I mentioned a few entries ago who got married. He honestly is someone I don't know AT ALL. She made reference to the new pairing of Derek Jeter and Jessica Alba as another upsetting pairing. I would agree if I didn't have a crush on Jessica Alba myself. I mean, I know she's not a rocket scientist but I can't help it.

The crowd was primarily African-American but filled with teenagers who had made a video that was in the featival. It was cool to be around teenagers again. I had never done a Q and A for this film before and I had to strain my brain to remember why I actually made the decisions I made. It was nice to be able to talk about my work and have people respond positively to it. I am trying to enjoy things a bit more. Trying to acknowledge good moments when they happen.

The other nice thing is to talk to non-filmmakers who are just so supportive. Sometimes it feels like, because I am a part of the filmmaking community, I am surrounded by people who aren't really impressed about anything. Everyone wants to do more than they've done and you get no points for accomplishing anything. Maybe that's how I make myself feel. I'm not sure. This is a girl who has just had a cider and is listening to Cassandra Wilson so maybe my sense of perspective is off. Plus, it is hotter than hell tonight in New York. I feel like I am in a Tennesee Williams play.

Kids

I was wondering why I had so many hits on my Horace Mann entry. Then my friend told me about The New York Times' article, Internet Gives Teenage Bullies Weapons to Wound From Afar. I'm just psyched that there was no internet when I was in high school. It gives kids a new way to torment each other because they don't have to see one another's faces. Now, they can stream videos of the girls engaging in sex acts because they think it's sexy. If this isn't part of a larger gender issue, then I'll eat my Old Navy flip flops.

Gettin Married

Ever hear that someone you thought was cute and had a major crush on from very, very, very afar was getting married and feel kind of bummed? It's not like you were going to marry them but now the option is just gone. It's a bit different than when your favorite celeb gets married because you actually knew this person but just not very well. This probably doesn't make much sense but I wanted to put it out there.

There Was A Better Way To Put That

I have never gone to Black Press USA before. There are some interesting angles on various stories but the lead story was a bit troubling. It was entitled, "NAACP Head says Bush Treats Blacks Like Prostitutes". In the article, NAACP President and Chief Executive Officer Kweisi Mfume rightfully criticizes Bush for snubbing the NAACP ncational convention four years in a row but still soliciting the black vote.

It's not what he said but how he said it:

"We’re not fools. If you’re going to court us, court us in the daytime, but not like we’re a prostitute where you run around at night or behind closed doors and want to deal with us, but not want to deal with us in the light of the day,” says Mfume.

Quotes like that just make you not even take the rest of the story seriously.

(Thanks Katherine for teaching my the joys of blockquote. It works. Now I have to look into creating categories. That's just too big a project for me!)

My Little Life

The Blog Police has gotten huffy about my recent dip in posts. Things have been crazed and I have a cough that my licensed professional thinks is in my head. Sigh. I've been working a lot on my own stuff which has been cool but I am getting concerned about this feeling I have that I am totally fried and am on the verge of white walls and thick straps.

I am getting a proposal together for The National Black Programming Consortium for my documentary about African-American women with bipolar disorder and am trying to cut together a trailer. (My co-producer finally brought me to my senses and made me pay someone to cut it.) I just did an amazing interview with this woman, Wambui, who is an actress who has a one-woman show Off-Broadway, Balancing Act, about her experiences as an African American with bipolar disorder. Ever do an interview with someone (or even have a conversation) where their story is so harrowing that you literally feel drained just hearing it? She was misdiagnosed (or rather not diagnosed) for about twenty years and has had everything under the sun happen to her. Talking to her made me feel how important it is for me to get this project done, if not for myself, for all of the women like her who have had to live with a mental illness that has gone undiagnosed.

I also have begun auditions for my short film and thesis for little old Columbia U's film school, Divine. I am amazed at how many more out of work actresses there are than actors and I need more men than women. I am amazed at the caliber of actors I've seen as well. I mean, it just goes to show how many talented African-American actors there are out there. Now, if only I could find a lounge to shoot in that wouldn't charge me a million dollars. Sigh.

Honestly, have I said I'm tired? I feel like Zach Braff on his Garden State blog and I'm not even anywhere near as famous as he is. (Garden State is really good by the way. Really good. Well, the ending is kind of lame but ... God, I'm such a filmmaker. I can't enjoy anything!) Thanks everyone for reading. You all are so great. OK, NOW I sound like Zach Braff on his blog.

The Daily Show

Being able to watch Jon Stewart in the privacy of my room with my new cable box helps ease the pain of my room mate drama.

The RNC and The Disinformation Campaign

On NPR this morning, they did yet another story about protestors against the RNC. As I've been told, people are protesting Republican policies by protesting the RNC. As I've said before, I wasn't clear as to what people were protesting. I mean, they have a right to have a convention but this new explanation has made things a little clearer. Still, as a New Yorker, the idea of Republicans and protestors filling the streets (and all of the streets now since our stupid mayor won't let people protest in Central Park and centralize this madness) is a bit daunting. I hate Bush like the next person (actually after hearing these news stories, I actually don't.) but I think the RNC coming to town is driving people mad.

One woman is staging a "Disinformation Campaign". When Republican convention goers ask her, "How do you get to Times Square?" She will reply, "You take the H train to Esther Place." Her goal is to get people to go to places they would never go. That's not a really thought out plan but I guess we protest in our own ways.

The Flu

I think I have it. I'm not quite sure how I got it in August but I am completely drugged on cough medicine. I am supposed to be in pre-production for my short film and I can barely concentrate on anything let alone a script rewrite. I've been writing the same damn thing for an eternity and I just can't gain any insight on it. Plus, I am having some more roommate drama. Seems one of them have "disappeared". Not in the El Salvador political prisoner way. I think this girl broke out and now we are going to be stuck covering her portion of the rent. These are the things you read about in bad chick books. These aren't things that actually HAPPEN. Sigh.

I realize I haven't written a personal entry in a while. It was really weird for me all of the random people that were reading my blog after the Deadline broadcast. I just felt violated in a way that people were kind of attacking me personally because they didn't like a film I worked on. I guess I never saw my blog as putting myself out there and therefore being vulnerable. But now I see that that is the case. I mean, I'm over it now but it was a transition.

On the extra bathroom front, really, be careful what you wish for. A job that was supposed to take a week is now into week two! The bathroom is so small that I highly doubt my butt is going to fit on the toilet seat. It's like a toilet in France.

The woman who reports The BBC News on NPR hates Tony Blair. I know I speak of it often (to my friends anyway) but as I listen this morning, I am more convinced than ever.