tuckergurl

Random Thoughts

The office is weird today. Personal tragedies have abounded and things are just all around chaotic. It's strange because I came back from my trip feeling refreshed and am trying to keep that feeling. My mind is kind of racing so here is what's goin on:

Condoleezza Rice is black as you well know. Lauren and I talked briefly about how kind of cool it is that race relations have taken this interesting turn. She is a black woman but above and beyond that, she is a Republican who needs to answer for what she and her administration have done. I am really interested in hearing what she has to say for herself. ABC News has an interesting article about her upcoming hearing.

If aliens watched all of us at our jobs on our computers, they would think that we all have the same job. (My friend, Paul actually said that to me.)

I am kind of weirded out thatt Brett Ratner is dating Serena Williams. Check this site out for photos. I guess I never saw that coming.

I can't sleep ...

...and I am watching bad television in my hotel room. Whoever thought that Meadow from The Sopranos can play Heidi Fleiss is crazy! I mean, this movie is really bad. Meadow having chapped lips during Heidi's dark days does not trick you into believing that she can act. She's like 15 and she still is waaay too hot to be her.

A Flight Without "Friends" Just Isn't A Flight Worth Taking

I have to give a shout out to the nicest airport I've been to in the continental US of A, Cincinnati! I am online as we speak in their lovely and spacious airport. These things don't make me feel as annoyed as I could be since I have to fly to Ohio to get to Pittsburgh. (I could explain it but then I will have to scream and this isn't the place.) I am going to the Amnesty International Film Festival with Deadline. It's important I go to do outreach for the film though my enthusiasm for the experience is waning. A nice hotel with a sauna awaits me so all is not lost.

I've been travelling so much I thought I'd give a few tips/thoughts on travel. Take and leave:

1. For the first time, I did not see Friends on my flight but instead was treated to the lovely JAG. This episode featured a disgruntled black man wielding a gun. I think I could've missed that one.

2. The earphones you have with your MP3 player or CD player only let you hear said TV show in one ear. Why? So you'll buy those two prong ugly ones to watch said bad TV show.

3. McDonalds does not take American Express. I mean, I could've guessed that but I had to try.

4. As you probably already know, McDonalds no longer has Super Sized meals. Yes, it's for the best. Obesity, etc, but the fries feel skimpy now and you can't order two, I mean, that's embarrasing.

5. Wearing cheap Target shoes allow you to walk through the metal detector type things without it going off.

6. Being 6 feet tall is cool when putting luggage in stowaway. It is not cool when sitting in the middle seat.

7. When you reach your gate and the stewardess hands you a pink tag for your small carry on and says, "This is just in case your bag doesn't fit in the overhead." That means your plane is very, very small.

8. When you are on the ground, circling, and the pilot says either, "We're number 3 for takeoff in five minutes." or "We just need 5-8 minutes to de-ice the wings." It is never, ever less than 15 minutes.

Eating Mexican Food Alone

I absolutely love Mexican food and when I am in love, I am very, very loyal. So, whevener I feel like treating myself, I take myself out for a nice Mexican meal. The strange thing is that everytime I go to a Mexican restaurant alone, the waiter can not deal with it. He keeps asking me over and over. "Table for two?" I say, "No, table for one." "Table for two?" "No ..." On and on it goes. The same thing happened again. A guy came in after me alone. The waiter said, "Table for one." The guy said, "Yes." And that was that.

Once the waiter seats me, he keeps asking me over and over if I need anything, if I am OK. It's nice to get all of the attention but after a while, it starts to get to you. I asked the waiter what the big deal about my eating alone was and of course, I got some, "A pretty woman like you shouldn't eat alone." Blah, blah, blah.

At this lovely meal, I was reading an incredible book that I am loving called Drinking Coffee Elsewhere. Whenever I look at The New York Times Book Review and see an African American person in it, I immediately have to buy and read that book. Plus, my short attention span has forced me to transition into actual novels by reading short stories. These stories are amazing and you really, really want them to be longer. I am so impressed by her and am looking forward to whatever else she writes.

People Are Stupid

I have much more blogging to do about my trip but I have to talk about something really dumb that someone said to me when I was in Kentucky. I ran into someone who I hadn't seen in a while. She was away when my father passed away and immediately wanted to have a long conversation with me about it. It seems her father passed away as well years back and I think she was feeling some kind of kinship with me. She didn't say that but that's usually what is the case when someone is downright enthusiastic to talk to you about the death of a parent (or in my case, my parents).

What she did not know was that both my mother and father had passed away. When I tell her this, she gasps and replies, "Oh my God! So you're an orphan. Oh my God! I just want to adopt you!" I want to tell you that I told her that that was the dumbest thing anyone had EVER said to me. Or that I said that just because my parents were no longer alive didn't mean that they never existed and aren't you the stupidest and most insensitive person I've ever met. But I didn't say that. I was so shocked and horrified I kind of grabbed my bag, muttered something about it being really late and walked away.

Sometimes the worst thing about dealing with death, almost as bad as processing the loss, is dealing with other people and how they deal with/treat you. There are the people who just don't know what to say so they sit awkwardly with you, hoping you won't bring it up so they don't have to come up with something to say. Then there are the ones like this person who has had a similar experience (well, there really are no similar experiences about these things, I realize. Everyone's pain/experience is so individual) and want to figure out how your situation is worse than theirs so they can feel ok about whatever fucked up thing happened to them.

One more thing: I should say that my mother passed away 10 years ago and my father recently. I think that clarifies somethings. I just realized that this entry made it seem like they died at the same time. I am realizing now though that I am dealing with it as one tremendous loss and that is why I kind of group it together. But I should be clear.

Greetings from Kentucky!

The computer that I am writing on has crashed 3 times so I will be fast. Having a great time ... a complex time. I'll write more about it later. I have been wanting to share this quote forever and thought I would leave you with it. It is from a movie I saw at Sundance, Brother to Brother that I really liked. I just connected to it. Anyway, the lead character says this to a guy that he really likes but knows just isn't into (or ready for) him. This speech is just so honest and I hope to be as vulnerable and honest in my relationships, both romantic and otherwise:

"I never meant to put you in an awkward position but I've been looking for a boyfriend for a long time and I've been intensely lonely for a long time ... I just need someone in my life who's more than a friend. Someone who's willing to love me. I don't have that and I thought that you might be that but I don't think you are."

A Wake Up Call

I am working late because I am going on vacation. I am kind of ... ok, not kind of ... very tired. Overwhelmed. I just want to accomplish so much and I am just one person and can not do it. Times like these, The Big Enchilada, a Diet Coke, my ITunes and some web surfing, help ease the pain.

I went to ABC News' website and was horrified to learn about yet another massacre. A car bomb blew up a five-story hotel in Baghdad. 27 people are dead, 41 wounded. Every day this world just get scarier and scarier. I don't have any wisdom on things like this. They just kind of effect me and I feel helpless and scared.

BBC's World Service this morning had a really interesting story you should listen to about the fight against terrorism and how it infringes upon basic human rights of people all over the world. They are having a Global Call In on Sunday about these same issues that I think I am going to check out.

The Grumpiness Of Me

I think I just need to apologize to everyone that I have interacted with today because I have been a big bitch. (My first use of profanity on the site.) I know that it's PMS. As a woman, I and only I am able to admit that. However, I am feeling like I need a vacation really, really badly and my trip to Louisville will help with that.

Why Louisville you might ask? Well, my friend, Kirstin, has written a play that is at The Actos' Theater of Louisville so a friend and I are going. My Dad was from there so I am visiting family there as well. I have never been to Louisviile before. It is going to be kind of weird to meet all of these people who knew my Dad. I am optomisitc that it won't be too heinous but I can't be sure. It might be on one those Lifetime Television for Women moments where gaining all of this knowledge about my father after his death will be heart warming and moving and a rugged mountain man who is mourning as well will want to help me through these difficult times and I will come back to my fast paced New York life with a bigger heart and a well satisfied libido.

Can I Talk To You?

I am becoming that person that doesn't return calls. You know that person. You call them and they conveniently always call you back at a time when you are not there and leave messages. My friend went through a full on phone phobia. She couldn't bear to ever pick up her phone. That's kind of a bad move for someone like me who is single with roommates that she barely sees.

To further complicate my life, the one thing they don't tell you about when you move to Prospect Heights is that AT&T does not work at all there. I've been told that it has something to do with us being on a hill ... Um ... WHAT! I can make calls outside but inside my house, nothing. A landline costs too much by myself (all of my roommates know of this Propect Heights lore and have other carriers) and I am 10 months away from being done with my contract. What's a gal to do? Any advice is welcome.

By the way, I am listening to Amel Larrieux's new CD, Bravebird and I am a fan. She is from Groove Theory fame (for those of you younger than 25, that was a duo that came out in the late 90s). Check it out.

My First Freaky Email

I had to take my email address off of the blog. I guess I knew it was kind of dumb to include it but for folks who are too shy to comment directly on the blog, it's helpful. Today though I got my first freaky email. I wish the email was porn. That's more interesting than people trying to get you to join strange cults or "foreign diplomats" asking for money. So, if you want to chat directly, just comment and I will email you back. I'm pretty good at that.