Originally uploaded by RYN TMRW
I am hungry. I’ve been hungry for days. Yes there are things that I can eat: strawberries, brown rice, whatever. But none of it is what I want. I’m hungry.
To be honest, even red velvet cake wouldn’t suffice. I am that kind of hungry that no matter what you give me, it wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t be right.
I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for almost six months. I’ve lost 35 pounds. I am proud of myself. But that high is gone. I’m long past my 10% short-term goal. I have another goal of 10% more but it’s not the same.
I was really motivated before my surgery. I wanted to focus on something concrete, something I could control that was good for me. I was freaked out that something bad was going to happen to me during my surgery. So I chose to focus on weight loss and it worked.
My surgery has come and gone and though I get random cramps every now and then, I am fine. I am grateful, really.
So now, almost two months later, I am just hungry. The smaller I get, the less I can eat if I want to continue to lose weight. At first my appetite was pretty small. That was nice. But now I am hungry again.
Yoga was my thing for a while. Now I am bored by it. I am not as flexible as I hoped to be after semi-regular practice. Though my stamina has improved 150% I am still using blocks for almost every pose. And the place I take yoga at sometimes can be a bit too filled with LuluLemon wearing cutie girls.
I have so much more to lose. And I do feel like I need to lose it. Some have said to stop but as sweet a sentiment as that is, I am still overweight. That’s just a fact. I’m not fine with it anymore. So I guess that’s progress.
Many people in WW get here. They talk about a cocky stage where you feel like you’ve accomplished something big and you start to get sloppy. For me, it started small. I stopped writing things down and I was still losing. Then I stopped counting coffee all together though I’ve been having two cups a day ...
I wrote this entry a week ago in my journal. It had no real ending so I am adding this one. My birthday was August 10th so maybe I wrote this a few days before that. I was feeling much better than this entry so I never typed it up. Then this morning, I had a setback at WW, my first one. I gained weight. This is not a major tragedy but it stung. Yes, it was my birthday and I just enjoyed myself. I was entitled. Still, a blow. How can people gain that much in one week? (Yes I am being dramatic but only by taking this seriously am I going to achieve my goal. Stay with me here.) There are a variety of reasons for my weight gain, most of my doing, most just simply biology but it was a blow. I am trying to pep myself up about this.
Losing weight has been a major time consuming thing (as you can see from my lack of blog entries). So even when I have weeks where I am doing less than usual, I am still doing more than I ever used to. Typing this entry gave you/me a window into where I was last week and how the “mysterious” weight gain might have occurred. I am going to stop thinking about this now and enjoy this pretty Saturday afternoon. Thanks for reading/listening!