Well, after a three month break, tomorrow I go back to work. It is kind of hard to believe. People keep asking me if I am excited to go back. Kind of. They ask me what I have learned and I am not 100% sure. For the past few days, I have been in kind of a funk not because I am sad to go back to work. It is more that I am afraid that all of the things I have learned, the peace I have gained, feels like it is slipping away. I wish I could be more articulate about it. I feel like I have a kind of clarity about my life now and I am now in the position where I need to take action. Taking action is the hardest part.
(A funny Freudian slip: When looking over this little post, I realized that I typed: "I am not in the position where I need to take action" instead of "I am now in the position where I need to take action" My shrink is going to have a field day with that one!)
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Several hundred yrs ago when I studied abroad in college we had a party in a castle for the finish of the semester. I know that night was incredibly fun and touching and warm but I can honestly tell you I don't remember 99% of it. But what is funny to me is that the one percent I do remember in its entirety is that the director of the program made an impassioned speach to us and his last lines were: " of all the lessons you have learned, the culture you have gained, the facts you have garnered, take only THIS back home with you...remember who you were here."
I always find that reassuring as I look back on the ebb and flow of my internal peace- because if the lessons and knowledge dissapate to make room for real life- simply finding the person you are when you are free of the entrapments is somewhat of a mental anchor. Also have faith. You can only grow- you can't unlearn experience.
I am verbose on this subject because I am thinking about these things as well.
Posted by: beebs | April 02, 2006 at 08:56 PM
great comment, beebs.
Posted by: katherine | April 02, 2006 at 09:54 PM
I agree. Good one Beebs. You are so wise!
Posted by: tuckergurl | April 03, 2006 at 08:41 PM
Beebs, comment is so true. I actually thinking getting a job will be good for me! I'm jealous you have a job to go back to. I have to find a job0-URGH!
Posted by: Ms. World | April 03, 2006 at 08:58 PM
Awwww shucks- thanks. But honestly- Ireally do understand and I think all of us do! Just glad to be of service.
Posted by: beebs | April 03, 2006 at 10:04 PM
beebs, I thought that comment was just OK.
Posted by: David Jacobs | April 06, 2006 at 10:06 AM
Dammit - and you were the only one I was hoping to immpress oh great father of all blogs. oh well. Bck to the drawing board.
Posted by: beebs | April 09, 2006 at 09:49 PM